Confrontation

A few years back, something happened with someone I knew. It affected me more than I realized at the time, but I never addressed it. I kept those feelings inside, and they started showing up in unexpected ways—influencing different parts of my life and the people around me. I thought distance and time would handle it, but I was wrong.

I knew I had to do something. I tried different approaches: writing things I never sent, working through it on paper—but nothing really cleared it. Eventually, I had to face it directly.

I did. It helped in some ways, but I still can’t be around this person. Some connections aren’t meant to stay.

Hemi-Sync

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I started practicing The Gateway Experience tapes three days ago. I setup my meditation spot at night before bed, and I’ve acquired lossless copy of the tapes to insure the audio is perfectly sound and no compression artifacts.

I was skeptical and worried in the first session, like what was this all about? Is it gonna hypnotize me into something else? Was going to brain wash me? Is it an instrument of the devil? (Typical thoughts of an anxious person). But I kept going nevertheless.

The second wave was a bit unusual, because I woke up the day after sick, not sure if sick is the right word but my head was aching and my entire body was aching as well. It felt like all my muscles have been worked out hard. But that didn’t stop me, I went through the third wave last night, and I woke up feeling better than ever.

I noticed that I’m a little bit less anxious, and the anger in me a bit tuned down. I’m still skeptical about those tapes, but maybe that are having underlying effect on me? I will keep going and report back.

Bravery

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As an anxious person, I easily overwhelm myself about almost everything, and expecting the worst outcomes didn’t help at all. But recently I’ve been setting an intention every day, that I will not succumb to fear, I will never let fear dictate how I live my life, nor I will let it influence my actions.

Fear and anxiety still exists, but I’m more resistant to them, and I’m still doing some actions with fear and anxiety, but I keep doing them nonetheless.

One of my major fears is the fear of rejection, now, I look for it. I want to be rejected, I want to experience it more and more, sometimes the only way to reduce pain is taking pain.